.:: Fire The Housewife ::.

We’re going to give this a try.  Today I need to make 3 pans of manicotti and 2 cheesecakes.  I hope you’re here to follow my adventure/demise.  I’ll give you the updates.

I’m starting out with the pumpkin cheesecake. If you’re baking along at home turn on your Jakob Dylan vinyl and preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Starting with the crust you will need (for 1 cheesecake):

1 1/2 cups gingersnap crumbs

1/2 cup chopped almonds

1/3 cup butter

You haven’t lived until you’ve sorted through some uncrushed gingersnaps! WELCOME TO THE PARTY YA’LL.

Also, I fully understand what The Pioneer Woman is always saying about her Alien Hands. Could my arms look any fatter in this pictures?! I BLAME YOU IMAC. I BLAME YOU PHOTOBOOTH. I BLAME YOU STEVE JOBS!

2 things. 1. I put in some walnuts. Don’t tell anyone! 2. I’m wearing my Seahawks shirt. Go Hawks! UNEXPECTED 3. OH CRAP I JUST PUT MY BLURRY FACE ON MY BLOG.  I’ll cover it up with some creative photoshopping later.

Oh and in case you missed it, the record changed to Death Cab for Cutie’s Something About Airplanes.

My kitchen is already a gigantic disaster (much live the movie Gigantic) but I have 2 crusts ready to go in the oven for 10 minutes.

Completely ignore the smell of burning coming from your oven and continue on with the cheesecake filling.  I’m going to tell you how to do the filling for just 1 cheesecake, even though I’m making two. Eventually it may look a little different because I’ll be mixing for two.  More than likely I’ll be eating enough cheesecake for two as well.

Start with 24 oz softened cream cheese

1 cup + 2 Tbsp sugar

1 1/2 tsp vanilla. Mix well on medium speed until well blended

Then add 4 eggs, one at a time beating well after each addition.

Stay tuned…I must go beat my eggs.

After beating in those 4 eggs, take out 1 cup and chill while you add the rest of your ingredients to the batter:

If you are me it will be at this point that you realize you just got cheesecake on your recipe card. Also, if you’re me, you licked it off.

Add 1 1/2 cups pumpkin puree

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground nutmeg to the batter, mix well.

AT THIS POINT I’D LIKE TO SAY HA! THE BOYFRIEND! I DO HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN TO LIVE BLOG!

Also, it’s time to change records, I chose a great cooking standby, Billy Joel’s Greatest hits, more than likely to be followed by Billy Joel’s The Stranger.

Not a good picture:

But alas, your cheesecake should be mixed with pumpkin!  I hope you were lucky and the bags of pumpkin your The Boyfriend’s mom gave you turned out to be exactly the right amount.

Next you get ready to layer.  Pour in a little of the pumpkiny mixture.

Then pour in a little of the regular.

Then use a knife to make it look marbled. I like to then dump in the rest of the pumpkiny mixture so I can make the top look extra pretty. So dump that pumpkin stuff in there and scoop the rest of the plain cheesecake into a pastry bag or if you’re me, a ziploc bag.

Pipe lines on top of the cheesecake until the cheesecake mixture is gone.  Sometimes (all times.) I have to retrace lines because I have a whole lot left.  Don’t mix in a ton of lines just because you have extra, use it to push down your other lines and add more.

Then again, use that knife to marble it.

I like to go in alternating directions because then it’s going to look awesome…like this:

Don’t judge me, I have to hold up my laptop to take these pictures.  I HAVE THE SHAKES, PEOPLE. THIS IS A LOT OF PRESSURE.

Now put it in the oven at 350 degrees for an hour and 15 minutes and go lick all the bowls, especially if you’re like me and you still need to make another one. LICK THEM CLEAN SO YOU DON’T HAVE ANY PUMPKIN IN YOUR REGULAR CHEESECAKE.

Caught a mistake already.  I forgot to add sugar to the pumpkin cheesecake part.  If you’re reading this! DON’T FORGET YOU ONLY PUT IN 2/3 A CUP IN THE PLAIN CHEESECAKE MIXTURE, THEN ADD THE REST OF YOUR SUGAR LATER. I DON’T FOLLOW EVEN MY OWN DIRECTIONS VERY WELL.

I live in constant fear that I just put an egg shell in something I’ve baked. Apologizing in advance.

Cheesecake #2 is ready for the oven!

This brings us to an important side note.  On Facebook Girl I Went to High School With asked “Is one of the mistakes wearing a scarf while you cook? I would end up with a batter-scarf.”  to which I had to reply “haha, oddly enough I do okay, I actually just took it off and changed to apron, not because of food, but because I had to wash some dishes and THAT is when I truly get messy.”

Now, as for my floor and counter tops? Those are covered in stuff.

Also, I lied, the new record is Rocky Votolato.

It’s time for the manicotti…BUT FIRST STEAL SOME IDEAS FROM MY GIGANTIC COLLECTION OF BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS COOKBOOKS!! This was actually a recent addition. DARN YOU SAVE N SHARE!

First ingredient…one brick of tofu, mashed up.

Then 30 oz of ricotta. (remember I’m making a quadruple sized recipe. you will DEFINITELY not want to use this much.)

2 7 oz  cans of mushrooms

1 white onion, diced very fine

4 Tbsp oil (in pan to cook everything up)

parsley, basil, paprika, salt, and pepper to taste.

The rest I haven’t really figured out yet, I’ll let you know.

So far:

1 whole diced onion

2 cloves garlic (minced)

3 7 oz cans of mushrooms (cut up into pieces)

Saute in 4 Tbsp (ish) oil.

Ok here’s what we’ve got.

30 oz of ricotta mixed with 14 oz of tofu

4 eggs, beaten

and the onion, mushroom, spice mix

Mix the eggs, tofu mixture, and 3/4 cup parmesan cheese (grated)

SIDENOTE! (it wouldn’t be FTHW without getting off topic)

THIS GUY JUST CAME OUT OF THE OVEN.

MANICOTTI UPDATE:

Mix veggie mixture with tofu/egg mixture. Tasted it. Needs more spice. Currently adding more salt, pepper, basil, and paprika. Also just added garlic salt.  Should have gone for 4 cloves of garlic I think.

Currently boiling manicotti noodles for exactly 7 minutes. EXACTLY, INTERNET.

Did I forget to mention I’ve also changed records again, John Vanderslice, Cellar Door.  This is all very important. I always listen to records while I cook. It’s good for you. It counterbalances all the fat you injest while cooking.

I am stuffing so many manicotti shells right now you would not even believe it.  Also, do not ever shortcut and buy Kroger marinara sauce. YUCK.

All 3 pans of Manicotti are in the oven at 350 degrees for 40 minutes covered with foil.

This was a looooong day of baking. The cheesecakes are in the fridge and the manicottis

Hope you enjoyed this and are less tired than I am.

Dear Internet,

I baked.

OH HOW I BAKED! I baked and I said “ooh! I’m going to take pictures and I’m going to share these with you, internet!”

Here’s what you need to know.

Midwest, what is wrong with you?

1. We just wanted to buy some fresh veggies to have at home for dinner…They were full of insects when we got them home from the farmers market.

2. That above scenario happened with the vegetables we bought from THREE different farmers markets.

3. I tried to make rye bread. Total disaster.

4. Tried to make whoopie pies…too humid here for them to set.

5. Made ice cream sandwiches…which, even though we transported them immediately to the freezer, melted into a giant puddle of ice cream sandwich.

Maybe it’s true what they say, if you don’t use it, you lose it.  For now I’m frustrated with you, Midwest.  I’m going to try again. Maybe I’ll try my old recipe for Chocolate Chip Cookies which wouldn’t work in the Northwest.  I was unprepared for the learning curve of baking skills.  I had forgotten how many messed up batches of everything I made after my first move.

Internet…stay tuned.

For a change of pace here is a recipe for real food instead of cookies or cupcakes.  This really only takes about 30 minutes start to finish so YOU DON’T HAVE TO USE A CROCKPOT.

I love macaroni and cheese.  I’ll just throw that out there right now.  In fact, I love it so much that I pretty much beg The Boyfriend to take me to Rock Bottom just so I can get their classic mac and cheese which is probably the tastiest mac and cheese I’ve ever had.

That being said, I’ve been trying to find a fair replication at home.  It’s not as tasty, but it’s pretty tasty, trust me.

You will need:

½ lb penne noodles
2 ½ Tbsp butter
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
3 Tbsp flour
1 tsp dry mustard
2 ½ c. milk
1 c. Monterey Jack
1 c. sharp cheddar

For the topping:
½ c. panko crumbs
½ c. bread crumbs
2 Tbsp parmesan
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1 Tbsp dried onion

Start your water boiling for your noodles while you start melting your butter in a medium sized saucepan.  Cook your noodles while you make this sauce, but don’t be like me, yesterday I really overcooked the noodles.  My biggest tip for this recipe is to get everything ready to go before you start cooking it, because seriously, it goes too quickly.

Okay, so your butter is melted…add your cayenne pepper, flour, and dry mustard to the butter and stir constantly until it is thick and starts to brown…

I’ll be honest, this is not the best picture to show you what it’s going to look like, yesterday I had 3 tbsp of butter exactly and I thought “what’s an extra 1/2 Tbsp going to hurt?! I don’t want to leave 1/2 Tbsp of butter in my fridge!” that half tablespoon left my mac and cheese a little soupier at this stage that it would usually be.  It tasted fine, but, yours is going to look a little different, a lot more dry and sticky.  DON’T MAKE MISTAKES LIKE ME, OKAY.

After that has cooked down you’re going to add your milk.

At this point you stir and you wait.  Also, you need to tell the internet they are lying.  While doing research on making mac and cheese like this I saw a lot of website told you to use whole milk because 2% and skim JUST WON’T CUT IT.  The Boyfriend demands 2% milk (I don’t know anything about milk, honestly. The Republi-Dad always kept whole milk around the house for cooking with and I used to keep only soy milk around when I was living alone.) What I’m saying is. I used 2% in this and it works fine.  You can try to use skim, I don’t know what will happen, BUT IF YOU DO LET ME KNOW.

What you’re waiting for here is for the milk/butter/spice/flour mixture to become the consistency of heavy cream.  You have to keep stirring because otherwise it’ll burn to the bottom of the pan.  I will be honest with you, I was really distracted while making this yesterday and probably left this sitting on the stove for about a minute, then I would stir, let sit another minute, then stir.  This is what happens when you’ve got a million other things going on besides macaroni. I guess this is just another lesson in how this recipe is really awesome and you don’t need to use a crockpot for it.

ANYWAY.

After it’s become thick, add your shredded cheese.

Beginning

Middle

End.

Did I mention this is not a low calorie recipe? It’s not.  And you’ll feel your arteries clogging, trust me.

BUT AT LEAST I DIDN’T USE WHOLE MILK.

Okay, so once you’ve got your cheesy mixture you’re just going to mix it with your noodles.  Here at our house we have a great divide.  I prefer to eat whole wheat noodles because my favorite food isn’t frozen Totinos pizzas.  The Boyfriend/Totinos lover will not eat whole wheat anything unless I’ve lied to him and told him that pizza crust was made with white flour.  Don’t worry, he lies to me all the time, so it’s okay.

So, to make my life more work/appease both parties, I just separate this mixture and make a pan of whole wheat and a pan of regular noodles.  Put those in oven safe dishes and make the topping.

The topping is easy.  Dump everything together. Mix. Then just sprinkle it on top of your noodle/cheese mixture.

Then just pop it under the broiler until it starts to brown, about 5 minutes.

Then you can compare your dinner to your very own The Boyfriend…

Dear Internet,
It’s nearly 2pm and I’m sitting at my computer eating lunch. Yes. Lunch. I get up every morning and make The Boyfriend’s lunch so that he’ll stop eating lunchables from the breakroom vending machines, but I generally forget that food exists until dinner time, that or I drink coffee and eat granola bars all day and suddenly realize I’m starving.

BUT TODAY. TODAY, INTERNET! I’m feasting!

But before I tell you on what, I want to dedicate this post to The Sister.

Because she’s the reason for it.

I wouldn’t know anything about eating hummus if it weren’t for The Sister.

I wouldn’t know it was possible to make hummus at home if it weren’t for The Sister.

OH THE SISTER, LOOK WHERE I’D BE WITHOUT YOU. NOW QUIT TELLING PEOPLE I’M BAD MOUTHING YOU IN THE INTERNET!

HUMMUS! YUMMUS!

The recipe for this hummus is something I stole from All Recipes a long time ago because it was something ridiculous like 30 calories to eat 1/4 of this hummus. That’s what I like in my food, large portions with few calories. Unlike those lemon bar jerks that I made the other day. UGH.  I’m not sure the hummus is right on target with that, but a spoonful of it isn’t going to kill you calorie wise.

For this hummus you will need:

1 can garbanzo beans

the juice you drained from the garbanzos…DON’T THROW IT AWAY, YOU’RE GOING TO USE IT.

2 tsp cumin

1 Tbsp olive oil

1/2 tsp salt

1 clove garlic

basically just throw everything but the juice into your food processor….

Then process it…

Add your garbanzo juice little by little until it’s the consistency you want it. I had to stop and stir mine up a little because I had some big chunks in it, but I also use the worlds smallest food processor, so you might be okay. The Sister has a Magic Bullet and that thing OWNED hummus if I remember correctly.

I seriously wanted to eat a big spoonful of this right away.

Instead I settled on some cut up Sandwich Thins and a Jazz Apple (ORCHARD FAMILY, I’M STILL WAITING ON YOUR CALL TO TELL ME YOU’RE GROWING ME THESE…THE BOYFRIEND IS TRYING TO GERMINATE THE SEEDS IN MY KITCHEN. PLEASE HELP.)

YUMMUS.

Dear Internet,

I have a problem. A problem with the name “Chicken Nuggets.” It’s mostly a problem with the “nugget” part. That word…it’s just…hilarious. In fact, when I was preparing to name this post I was going to use something else for “nugget” I tried “Chicken Bits”

nope, that still sounded hilarious.

Chicken pieces.

Better, but still no.

Chicken filanges?

Meh…

Anyway, Chicken…thingies…I made them.

And because it’s Monday, and I’m tired, because I’ve got a million other things to do, because The Sister talked about making french fries last night and it reminded me how much I love to fry foods, because I think panko breadcrumbs are the greatest cooking invention known to man… I’m bringing to you a recipe I stole directly from THIS BOOK

Chicken Nuggets with Sweet Potato Puree

(And yes, I fed this to The Boyfriend and he ate it. And he was fine.)

So this is another one of those recipes in which you hide food that is good for your The Boyfriend so that he doesn’t die. I totally negated that healthy food by frying them in oil. Oh well. The recipe says you can use any pureed broccoli, spinach, sweet potato, or beet and you’ll be fine. I used a sweet potato and I liked it.

You will need:

1 cup panko breadcrumbs

1/2 cup flaxseed meal

1 Tbsp grated Parmesan

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp onion powder

1 cup (broccoli, spinach, sweet potato, beet) puree

1 large egg, lightly beaten

1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breast rinsed and dried, cut into small chunks (or nuggets!)

1/2 tsp salt

nonstick cooking spray

1 Tbsp olive oil

Basically just put everything dry in one bowl to bread your chicken chunks.

Mix your veggie puree and your egg in another bowl.

salt your chicken chunks, dip them in the egg mixture, then toss them in the breadcrumbs until they look completely covered in panko.

This is where I cheated.

In theory you’re going to put a Tbsp of olive oil in a skillet that has been sprayed with non-stick spray, but, I used more oil. I didn’t cover them with oil, but I made sure the bottom of the pan was covered. SOMEONE CALL THE CHOLESTEROL POLICE.

Just cook them 4 minutes on each side and then remove to a plate with something to soak up the oil on it. Definitely cut into the largest nugget to make sure it’s cooked all the way through. Nothing is worse than an undercooked NUGGET.

Then feed them to your toddler with ketchup. I mean your The Boyfriend.

In a slightly related note, I need someone to move up here and test things that I make to see if it’s tasty. I mean, I made this key lime pie and to me, it’s kind of tart, but maybe it’s supposed to be, honestly, I’ve never had key lime pie. I don’t want to give it out if it’s gross! I sent some to The Boyfriend’s office, hopefully someone there will tell me if it’s disgusting.