.:: Fire The Housewife ::.

So turns out people actually read my blog and I had used some real names on here, to protect the not-so-innocent I have decided to change the names.  They know who they are. haha  Also, this happened OMG SO MANY YEARS AGO. I am not holding grudges and as far as I know everyone in this story has grown up to be wonderful productive adults. Good Job!

So, Ben left me a comment the other day saying this…

“Ben Says:
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:00 am

That is awesome that you are having a good time.

Things about the second grade that I think you, as a teacher, could address:

-more cookies
-bullies
-less “Mr. Frog and Mr. Toad.” They were the first Ambiguously Gay Duo.
-more cookies”

Now, I hated school for the most part. I mean, sadly, I loved the actual learning part, I hated the people who surrounded me, I wasn’t exactly cool, so I spent a large part of my adolescent years being made fun of.  So, heres what we’re going to do, you’re going to post your worst school experiences due to bullies or classmates (same thing) and I’m going to choose the ones I like the most, and send those people cookies and some sort of crappy card that looks like a child made it.  SO START TELLING ME THOSE STORIES.

Heres just one of my stories.

So, in the 4th grade, I was playing on that big yellow slide that is kind of like a cork screw and TS and DM come up to me and are all “OMG FTHW! AB LIKES YOU!!!!!” and I was like “yeah, whatever” (I was already desensitized to these girls and their shenanigans at that age)  but they were persistent, demanding that he had professed his undying love for me by the swingset.  I told them if he did he would come talk to me, they were like “no! he wants you to come talk to him!” I was still young and stupid then and told them I would, desperate that this group of REALLY COOL KIDS IN THEIR COOL REEBOK T-SHIRTS AND SHORTS WITH TENNIS SHOES WOULD ACCEPT ME EVEN THOUGH I WORE JUMPERS AND NYLON TRACK SUITS EVERY DAY.  So, I stroll up to AB, swishing along in my track suit, and said “I heard you like me, I guess I like you too (which I never did, by the way, but having a cool 4th grade boyfriend would rocket me into super stardom in Mrs. S’s class, BV was the only person who would ever be my partner in class and that was only because I finished all my work in like 12 seconds and was allowed to do whatever I wanted afterwards)”  and he was all like “OMG GROSS!” and T and D and their cronies were all pointing and laughing at me from my beloved slide.  It was a rough day and everyone made fun of me for a solid week after that which is roughly equivalent to 20 years in 4th grade time.

Theres a plethora of other stories about people calling me fat, being called too fat to date, the nickname Stupid FTHW, people moving their desks away from mine when I was in their row, etc etc. Oh and lets not forget that for the entirety of my school career I was called “Mike’s Sister” by everyone, including people in my own class who should have known my name.

On a side note, bullying while I’m in charge receives some pretty harsh punishments, homie don’t play that.

Oh, on another side note, you’re up against Ben who has some AMAZING stories about being a former fattie as well, so you’ll have to bring out the big guns to beat him.
The Boyfriend: Due to a formatting issue, previous comments can be found by clicking here.

It’s my first day of school. It’s thundering.

Wish me luck!

Sorry folks, I’ve basically been too lazy and too grumpy to post anything, life in You-Know-Where can be a drag sometimes. I usually sleep until about noon anymore, but the sister sent me 3 texts this morning which dragged me out of bed at 9am. I know she wouldn’t want me to put these extra hours to waste, so this is for her.

Usually I’m the sole supporter of the US Postal Service, but this summer I haven’t even felt like doing that, I did send out a letter the other day, and was waiting for the recipient to get it before I posted about it. Don’t worry Christy, I just sat down and wrote to you today too, so thank The Sister for that early wakeup too.

Well, this post is now changing directions, I can’t find those pictures I took of Mark’s card anywhere, maybe he’ll be friendly enough to find some and point us in the right direction…

Instead we’ll talk about…My dryer. No, I swear I didn’t just pull that out of my hindquarters (or Ham* as the dad and I discussed the other day). So, ever since I moved here I’ve been too afraid to dry my clothes in The Dad’s dryer because it leaves these little black marks all over everything…Exhibit A…

It’s bad, so very bad. But today after the early wakeup I saw this…

We found some metal filings and a couple broken pieces and hopefully by the end of the day I can do laundry like a normal person. Hopefully. Fingers Crossed. And All That Junk.

In other news, this fabulous little child:

Is just so cute I had to make her these black olives to use in her play kitchen:

Thats all for today, I just had to go to the garage to find a pop riveter and Mrs. Bartlow called and I’m going to go up to the school today to work with her and I guess I should take a shower before I do that and all. You know, whatevs. Don’t forget to thank the sister for waking me up early for this post.
* Dad and I were talking about Thanksgiving and how McKenzie won’t eat Turkey, I told Dad she eats Ham instead and he goes “You know how to cure her of that? Tell her it’s pig’s ass, she’ll never know the difference and you won’t have to fix her ham for Thanksgiving!”