It has recently come to my attention that everyone thinks I’m a giant fattie.Â I’m pointing at you, Brian Massie.Â Yes, that’s right, I like him so much that I used his real name.Â No nickname starting with The.Â Wow. That’s love!! Anyway,Â B. Massie and another pal of The Boyfriend’s at work have scoffed at me and apparently think that my hiding out at home all the time means I’m fat. MY BRAND NEW ABILITY TO WEAR SIZE 4 JEANS SAYS OTHERWISE. I just don’t want to live in a world where size 4 is fat.Â You know what Internet?Â Sometimes I want to eat at Top Pot and that’s okay.Â I work out twice a day, 5 days a week, and that means it’s okay to eat a freaking cupcake whenever I want to.Â Let that be a lesson to you all, eat cupcakes, it’s okay.
Anyway, my ability to eat cupcakes is not the main staple of my diet, in fact when I’m not eating cupcakes I eat some pretty healthy stuff.Â Recently I have decided that perhaps I have a little bit of intolerance to flour, white flour especially. I’ve cut everything out of my life basically.Â Sad but true.Â I eat whole grain everything and feast upon Mack’s Flax, a flour free bread I really love.Â Basically in a day I eat a ton of food but consume well under 1000 calories.Â To prove to you all that I can bake something that fits into my pretty tight little diet I’m going to share with you all my Whole Wheat Flax Seed Muffins.
So, they’re pretty easy to make and only very very slightly labor intensive.Â If you’re not my kitchen (and even my kitchen had to pick up a few supplies) you’ll probably need to go pick up some whole wheat flour, flax seed meal, oat bran (I secretly just used some oatmeal and ground it up a little in my cuisinart).Â Everything else you will probably have on hand or can pick up on your normal trip to the store.Â Just to make you feel even worse for thinking I’m such an unhealthy slob, I buy all organic too.Â In fact the carrots and apples were purchased at the Ballard Farmers Market, so not only were they organic, they were locally grown too.
ON TO THE RECIPE!
1 1/2 c. whole wheat flour
3/4 c. flax seed meal
3/4 c. ground oatmeal (or oat bran)
1 c. brown sugar
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp.Â baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. allspice
2 medium Fuji Apples (peeled and grated)
1 1/2 – 2 c. carrots (peeled and grated)
4 Tbsp. flax seeds
3/4 c. milk
1 Tbsp vanilla
optional: nuts, dried fruit, anything your little heart desires.Â I used dried cranberries.
Go ahead and sift together the whole wheat flour and the flax seed meal.Â There will be some residual hulls and whatnot in your sifter,Â I just dumped those on in.Â I like my hulls.Â If that REALLY grosses you out I suppose you could trash them, but why would you want to do such a thing?
Now, I didn’t have any oat bran and I didn’t feel like making the boyfriend scoop anything more out of the giant bins at PCC so I used the oatmeal I had on hand and just ran it through the food processor until it was a little more fine, not so fine that it’s powdery though.Â Go ahead and mix that on in with your flour and flax, also add in the other dry ingredients, all the way down to that allspice.Â It’ll look a lot like this…
I like to live dangerously so I didn’t sift everything, this is not going to mess up your results this time, trust me.
Now, this is when things get tricky.Â I definitely peeled and grated the carrots and apples all alone while The Boyfriend sat and watched.Â Gosh I hope he doesn’t read that because then he’ll be sad I told the internet didn’t help when in reality he actually peeled the carrots and grated them for me with our extra grater.Â He’s just that grate great!Â So, once you’ve grated these things at lightening speed like I did:
My hands are moving so fast they can’t be photographed.
Once I got those apples all grated they started to turn a little brown, so I threw some lemon juice on them, violently.Â This isn’t a totally necessary step, but something about browning apples on the counter really grosses me out, so I did it.Â Don’t judge.
You’re going to mix these carrots and apples into your dry ingredients.Â Now here’s the catch.Â These are going to have a definite texture in the finished product.Â If you have a picky child or The Boyfriend you’re going to want to do more than grate these.Â Probably go ahead and run them through the food processor until it’s just mush, or use apple/carrot sauce.Â It’s going to make a slight difference in your finished product texture, but there is a definitely a texture to these muffins and if you think you or your loved ones can’t handle that, you should probably go ahead and puree, puree to your heart’s content.
In a separate bowl mix the eggs, milk, and vanilla, then add it to your dry-ish mixture (it’s not so dry after you add the fruit.Â On a side note, I did not use my mixer for these muffins because you only want to get the entire mixture wet, you don’t want to over mix it.Â Â Once you have your wet and dry ingredients mixed together start adding in the other things you love.Â I added 4 Tbsp of Flax Seed (because I love it) but you can leave that out if you want.Â I also added some dried cranberries that I had left over in my cabinet.Â But you can add any little thing you want.Â I will add, the muffins would have been a little boring without the cranberries, so maybe think about adding something with a little extra flavor, you could even do chocolate chips!!
Now, I decided to make my own muffin papers out of some parchment paper, but regular muffin papers are fine too.Â These muffins don’t rise much so you can definitely fill them pretty full.Â Bake them at 350 for what will feel like forever.Â I’m sorry I didn’t time it for you, just bake them until a knife comes out clean.
They will definitely make your whole house smell like a delicious factory. Trust me.
As a final thumbs down to those of you who think I’m a secret internet fatty, here’s the nutritional facts before you add any of the extras (mine includes the flax seeds, so feel free to add those and you’ll fit within my nutritional fact parameters.) by the way, the serving size is 1 muffin.