This is a public service announcement. You can have it be with guitars if you so desire.
(Does anyone know what I’m talking about when I say that or does everyone just think I’m crazy?)
To all future landlords:
Look, I get it. You happened upon this house, you want to rent it out. I APPLAUD YOU. Those of us who will probably be lifelong renters, we love you.Â I lack the commitment to stay in one place long enough to purchase, so, yes, I’ll rent. I’ll happily rent! I’ll keep your house clean! Probably much cleaner than any other renter you’ve ever had! Just ask my Republi-Dad, he understands my neuroses! I use natural cleaners! I bake REALLY good Christmas treats that I will bring to you!
That is, unless you’re like the past 3 landlords I’ve had.Â Look, I’m not that difficult.Â I mean, wait, maybe I am. But the thing is, I lived in 3 different apartments from my start sophomore year of college until my 5th year senior year of college and I had 3 AMAZING landlords, who never acted like I was some sort of problem.Â I left those apartments looking nicer than when I happened upon them! I mean, you should just ask The Nicest Lady Ever about the Daycare House. I forgot some stuff when I moved out, but I KEPT THAT PLACE NICE! And occasionally when I got bored I cleaned the daycare. NO ONE COMPLAINS ABOUT THAT. I am not that difficult. I just require that things be clean when I move in, in working order, and in general not sucky. The place doesn’t even have to be THAT clean, I understand that I’m insane and will have to clean no matter what.Â You think you’ve cleaned everywhere, OH I’M SORRY YOU DIDN’T CLEAN THE INSIDE OF THE DISHWASHER. OH YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE TOPS OF THE CABINETS? YOU FORGOT TO VACUUM OUT THE WINDOWS? OH TOO BAD!
I GET IT.
But seriously, when there’s mold, that’s your job.Â I’ve now lived in THREE consecutive places where the landlords have casually disregarded my problems with the mold in their rentals. Dude. It’s mold. That’s gross.
But, internet, let’s forget about the problems with the old places and just focus on this new place. OH THIS NEW PLACE.
The sister came down to scout out some homes and said this one was the best of all of them. The others must have really been shining examples of awesome!
SO! The New Landlord (NL) told her he was showing the house again that night and I guess gave her the impression that we needed to jump on it or we’d lose it. SO I DID. He was pretty insistent that we get him money AND FAST! SO I DID. Then he says “we’re going to set your move in date for Tuesday! But if the current renters are out by Sunday night, you can move in Monday!” OKAY! GREAT! FABULOUS! NL calls and says “They’re out! I need to do a few touch ups, but you can move in!” So I consult Republi-Dad, who says “Well, I have Monday off, let’s move all your stuff into the garage.” SO WE DID.Â Then we walked in and I was able to inspect…
the “touch ups” were laughable, whole walls needed to be painted, the paint was dirty and scuffed and gross.
The “clean carpet” is filthy and tearing up in places.Â I have only been able to vacuum one room so far and my vacuum is so full of cat hair it hardly runs.
The bathrooms are full of mold and water damaged paint.
He “touched up” paint in the bathrooms with a different color, then repainted the walls but didn’t paint all the way to the ceiling, leaving an inch of a different color.
The doors to several of the other rooms are hollow core doors…with holes in them. Nothing screams “WELCOME BACK TO MIDDLE AMERICA” like white trash holes in your hollow core doors.
We have one of those side by side fridges with the ice maker and stuff in the door, which doesn’t function, I wouldn’t mind this other than the fact that THE ICE MAKER TAKES UP 90% OF OUR FREEZER, plus someone left us 2 bags of ice, an ice bucket and then we had 3 ice trays, SO MOST OF OUR FREEZER SPACE IS GONE.
The windows have water damage which has caused the paint to fall off and mold to grow, but after telling him this he said “oh that’s because of the sweat from the AC, you just have to deal with that.”
the lights in the kitchen and living room do not work, well, that’s not true, about every other time you try they work.
The disposal switch is bad, The Boyfriend offered to replace it and NL said “OH NO, I’LL HAVE AN ELECTRICIAN COME IN TO LOOK AT IT”
This is where my main problems lie, NL has said he’ll be in EVERY NIGHT since we’ve moved in, we still haven’t been able to fully unpack because of the work he plans to get done, but never seems to actually do.Â WE EVEN OFFERED TO JUST DO THE STUFF AND TAKE SOME MONEY OFF OUR RENT SO THAT WE CAN GET IT DONE.Â I’m just really not awesome at living in chaos and so far my home is chaos, my classroom is chaos (but much less so than my home.) and I’m pretty much freaking out at every turn.
I really truly thought after we left Old Landlord that things would be better, no more having to deal with horrible landlord and his inability to take care of anything! I WAS WRONG.
So here’s my advice, future landlords of America.
JUST DON’T DO IT.Â If you don’t ACTUALLY want to perform some upkeep on your rentals, DON’T HAVE THEM. Or at the very least, give your renters the ability to do the work themselves so it gets done in a timely manner.
OH! and in closing. MOLD IS NOT OKAY. MOLD IS NEVER OKAY. MOLD IS NOT SOMETHING YOU JUST GET TO IGNORE.
P.S. I’m going to work in my room stinky today because we don’t have any shower curtains because NL decided he was too busy to come over last night and finish the bathrooms. <3<3<3